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“Everything happens for a reason”– it’s a phrase I’ve become far too familiar with over
the years. My friends instinctively voice it whenever they see me mired in grief, struggling to
overcome some emotional hurdle. I suppose it’s designed to provide some level of comfort;
the notion that any current suffering is all in service to some greater good.
No doubt the “everything happens…” crowd would point to my personal history as proof of
the concept’s validity. My art, the single most important thing to me, was born out of a loss
so great I have yet to come to terms with it. Had I never faced that loss it’s unlikely I ever
would have created a single piece of art. Yet, despite my own experiences I can’t embrace
the concept that “everything happens for a reason.” Above all else, it’s the use of the word
“everything” that troubles me. It’s simply too broad, too inclusive.
Suggesting that “everything happens for a reason” implies the existence of a plan. More
specifically, it implies the existence of a divine plan. As someone who associates the notion
of the divine with a deep and paternalistic love, it’s hard for me to accept that any divine
being could conceive, orchestrate and use events such as massive tsunamis, the rape and
murder of a six-year old child, or the Holocaust in order to realize some long-term plan
No, some things, usually the cruelest and most difficult to accept, happen for no reason.
They can’t be attributed to any divine plan (at least any plan conceived in love) and they
don’t improve the lives of those who are unlucky enough to experience them. What possible
benefits, what greater good, could one ascribe to something as inhumane, as cruel as the
Holocaust? Or even more absurd, and obscene, could you imagine someone telling terrified
Jewish families being pulled from cattle cars and herded towards gas chambers that they
shouldn’t worry, that “everything happens for a reason –it’s all God’s plan.”
Whether we examine human history, or our own personal histories, we quickly amass
numerous examples of events that resist any notion of a reason, or greater good. As the list
of those examples grows the notion that “everything happens for a reason” crumbles under
their collective weight. And what emerges is the uncomfortable reality that God isn’t
carefully ushering each of us along some path of destiny. Instead, each of us must make
must our own way in a random, chaotic, meaningless, and sometimes cruel world.
In those moments when I feel a can no longer bear the sorrow of my own loss, I don’t
comfort myself by creating a false reality in which God blessed me with that experience so
that I might become the person I’m supposed to be. False realities never erase the pain. I
simply pray that God grants me the strength to endure. Whether God, if he exists, hears and
acts on those prayers is uncertain. To date, I haven’t been able to heal my shattered spirit,
but I’m still here. I’m still trying.
the years. My friends instinctively voice it whenever they see me mired in grief, struggling to
overcome some emotional hurdle. I suppose it’s designed to provide some level of comfort;
the notion that any current suffering is all in service to some greater good.
No doubt the “everything happens…” crowd would point to my personal history as proof of
the concept’s validity. My art, the single most important thing to me, was born out of a loss
so great I have yet to come to terms with it. Had I never faced that loss it’s unlikely I ever
would have created a single piece of art. Yet, despite my own experiences I can’t embrace
the concept that “everything happens for a reason.” Above all else, it’s the use of the word
“everything” that troubles me. It’s simply too broad, too inclusive.
Suggesting that “everything happens for a reason” implies the existence of a plan. More
specifically, it implies the existence of a divine plan. As someone who associates the notion
of the divine with a deep and paternalistic love, it’s hard for me to accept that any divine
being could conceive, orchestrate and use events such as massive tsunamis, the rape and
murder of a six-year old child, or the Holocaust in order to realize some long-term plan
No, some things, usually the cruelest and most difficult to accept, happen for no reason.
They can’t be attributed to any divine plan (at least any plan conceived in love) and they
don’t improve the lives of those who are unlucky enough to experience them. What possible
benefits, what greater good, could one ascribe to something as inhumane, as cruel as the
Holocaust? Or even more absurd, and obscene, could you imagine someone telling terrified
Jewish families being pulled from cattle cars and herded towards gas chambers that they
shouldn’t worry, that “everything happens for a reason –it’s all God’s plan.”
Whether we examine human history, or our own personal histories, we quickly amass
numerous examples of events that resist any notion of a reason, or greater good. As the list
of those examples grows the notion that “everything happens for a reason” crumbles under
their collective weight. And what emerges is the uncomfortable reality that God isn’t
carefully ushering each of us along some path of destiny. Instead, each of us must make
must our own way in a random, chaotic, meaningless, and sometimes cruel world.
In those moments when I feel a can no longer bear the sorrow of my own loss, I don’t
comfort myself by creating a false reality in which God blessed me with that experience so
that I might become the person I’m supposed to be. False realities never erase the pain. I
simply pray that God grants me the strength to endure. Whether God, if he exists, hears and
acts on those prayers is uncertain. To date, I haven’t been able to heal my shattered spirit,
but I’m still here. I’m still trying.
